The Tale of Anna and Steve: Paradise Lost

The tale of Anna and Steve: The Fall from Perfection.

Long ago, a loving father placed both of his children into the Garden of College. He gave them all the software they would ever need, both Vista and XP. But of the Apple, they were not to partake. Under no circumstances were they to own one, or use one. But all other computers were theirs for the asking, and under their dominion. And the father would Skype with his children in the evenings.

One day, that dreaded and hateful of all creatures, the HIPSTER, saw Anna watching him and his iPad. Now the HIPSTER was more cunning that any student of the campus which the father had placed his children within. And he said to the woman, “Has your father indeed said, You shall not partake of the Apple on campus?”

And the woman said to the HIPSTER, “I have a Vista and my brother has a XP, and I’m going to get a Windows 7 soon, but the Apple on Campus, Father has said, You shall not own it, nor shall you touch it, lest you downgrade.”

And the HIPSTER said to the woman, “You shall not surely downgrade. For your father knows that in the day that you use one your eyes will be opened, and you shall be as Steve Jobs, knowing good and malware.”

And when the woman saw that the Apple was good for streaming video and surfing the web, and that the screensavers and toolbars were pleasant to her eyes, and desirable to make one wise, she bought an iPad and partook in its pleasures. She also showed her brother and he partook as well, both with their own iPad. Then the eyes of both of them were open, and they knew that they were exposed to viruses and malware on their Windows Systems. And they attempted to patch together Norten AntiVirus to cover and protect their software.

Then they heard the sound of their father calling them on Skype at the end of the day, and Anna and Steve attempted to act nonchalant and delayed answering the call. When they did answer, the father asked, “Where have you been? “

The son answered, “I heard your voice on the e-chat, and I was afraid that I might have a virus.”

And he said, “Who told you that you might have a virus? Have you partaken of the Apple which I commanded you that you should not?”

After admitting their actions, the father bowed his head with sadness.
To the HIPSTER he said,

 “Because you have done this,
You are cursed more than all students,
And more than every beast of the field;
On your Civic you shall go,
And you shall eat soy
All the days of your life. 

And I will put enmity
Between you and the music world,
And you shall eat poppyseed cakes;
And everyone that you meet

Will want to crush your head.

 To Anna he said:

“I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your paper-writings;
In pain you shall bring Word documents;
Your desire shall be for your PC,
And Steve Jobs shall rule over you.”

 Then to Steve he said 

“Cursed is the software for your sake;
In toil you shall work on it
All the days of your life.
And you shall struggle to work with NET technology or ASP.
Till you return to the Windows operating system,
For the rest of the business and professional world uses it for any job they do;
For PC you are,
And to PC you shall return.”

Russia Post 6: Ice Inside Your Soul

Hey folks

Well, today marks the return from yet another camping excursion, again to the quasi-autonomous republic of Adygea, camping on the shores of the White River. Steve took the kids first of all to “The Screaming Rock” named so because of the 25 foot or so drop to the flowing river below. Apparently it’s been a really rainy season, so the river was about 12 feet higher than normal, and about twice as fast. So with this comforting knowledge given by Steve, his kids (Madi, Cady, and Aubrey) all jumped in, followed by Rachel Fisher, Tasha Wilson, and Analea Thielke. Now, we guys were off course being chivalrous in letting the girls go first (it had nothing to do with hesitating about jumping 25 feet into a fast moving glacial river, I assure you). Once everyone else had gone, Caleb, Steve, and I all braced and jumped in.

I have swum in a lake on top of a Colorado Mountain. I have splashed in the Atlantic Ocean in the middle of December. I have been buried in a snowdrift above my head. I say all this to explain to you that I’m no wuss and that I have a very firm grasp on the concept of “cold.”

THAT was cold.

For a brief instant, I’m almost sure that my SOUL separated from my corporeal form and I could see my own body in the water. Then it came rushing back, with this intense feeling like a thousand needles were being jammed into ever square inch of my skin. Then I erupted from the water, gasping for breath, and attempting to swim to shore, as the current was taking me downstream and my hands were clenched into fists that refused to release themselves. I heard a voice screaming a battlecry that would have done the Mighty Thor proud. I suddenly realized that it was my own voice. So within a few moments of jumping into this river, I lost all sense of feeling, my motor skills, my breath, and my voice (I was hoarse for the rest of day).

So we pitched our tents and the next day, Steve and the rest of us set off on the rafts to go along the river. They were not HUGE rafts, only big enough for about 3 people, so I think the term “inflatable canoe” might be a better one. But Caleb, Jonathan Fisher, and I got in one, and Steve, Mr. Fisher, and Timothy Fisher were in the other. We rafted with fair ease, until we came upon one tricky part of the river, that had it been any other, drier season would have been no problem.

But it had not been dry and this was a problem. 

Caleb with the two Fisher boys... looking Awesome.

We dodged certain and possible pointy death at every turn. Trees with branches sharpened by the rushing water stood on the sides of the banks, which the rocks and currents endeavored to throw us against.

Well anyway, that’s what it seemed like… :P but there about Class 2 rapids with about two choke-points in the river that I put as a Class 3 rapids. It was a LOT of fun and you really had to stay on your toes to keep from tipping over. And everytime you hit a bump, FREEZING x20 water sloshed into the boat, drenching all passengers and sending us into the throes of hypothermia…. But we loved every minute of it! 

Steve & Christine Hayes , Terri and Matt Fisher