Russian Post 5: Bicycles: Transportation or Deathtraps?

Well, today not only represents Independence Day (Down with the British! Bring out your tea!!) but also it has been one full month since Caleb and I have arrived in Krasnodar.  

Well, probably the biggest of my adventures I can relate in Krasnodar (since Mt. Fisht) was taking my life into my own hands by venturing out on the streets of Krasnodar on a bicycle. That’s right folks, Kolya (A Russian friend of ours), Caleb, and yours truly took to the streets astride bikes. :-O.

For those of you who know me well, you will know that bikes and myself have less than an amicable relationship. In fact, I could say we pretty much hated each other. It’s kinda like having an evil ex-girlfriend that you can’t stand to be with but whom all your best friends hang out with all the time. But I stray from the point. For the first time in probably 3 years, I hopped on a bike and decided that I would face my past and DO THIS!

The resulting ride played out something similar to the plotline of one of the Final Destination horror flicks. Ever heard of Murphy’s Law? Yeah…

At first, just to get my guard down, the ride went smoothly; we were weaving our way through the traffic I have covered in a previous post, and the swarming horde of pedestrians that I am determined to dedicate a future post to. I actually succeeded in jumping a few curbs, which is quite a feat for me on a bike (please, hold your applause…stay seated, please…). Then, just as we got to just about the OTHER SIDE OF TOWN, it happened. For those among you who may not be well-versed in bike paraphernalia, the pedals (that’s those things you press your feet against to make it go) are supposed to remain firmly attached to the bike. Mine… didn’t. SOMEHOW, someway, the right pedal came unscrewed from bike and fell off. This is a bad turn of events. Fortunately, I was not around people at the time this happened. But I did lay my bike over mid-pedal, which was not a fun experience. But after finding a helpful Russian (another miracle) who loaned us a wrench and reattaching the pedal (quite firmly), we were on our way once again, with ignorant me thinking that the quip was “the thing that would go wrong for the day” and I could relax and enjoy the ride home.

I was wrong.

I WILL make a quick (and brief) comment about pedestrians now (to be expanded later). They’re CRAZY! Russia has crosswalks, same as anybody else, but apparently babushkas and stariki (translation: Old ladies and old men) think that they’ve lived so long, they can cross the street anywhere they FEEL like, and they can take forever to do it.

I digress.

This elderly lady then crosses the street in front of me… and calmly, I turn the handles of my bike to perform a standard “go around the pedestrian” maneuver. My handles turned, but my wheel didn’t….

:-/

Apparently the screw that affixes the handles to the wheel had come loose, and I could now turn the handlebars completely around, without so much as moving the front wheel… And now I am barreling down the street headed for an old lady.

Desperate, I reached into my Bag-O-LifeSaving Tricks and concocted a brilliant getaway plan: I threw my weight to one side, sending the bike crashing to the ground, with myself still firmly planted in the driver’s seat. (Word to the Wise: The designer that decided that the seat of a bicycle needs to be that skinny needs to be drawn and quartered. When your gluteus maximus slams on that thing hard enough… it can lead to major pain in posterior regions. Just sayin’.)  Now I have successfully avoided the elderly lady (who incidently, kept on walking; I’m not 100% sure she was even aware that I crashed my bike directly behind her) INTO the SIDE WALL of a building.

For those that doubted before, I CAN actually hit the broadside of barn. With my face.

We succeeded in jury-rigging the handlebars (with American Boy Scout skills) and made it safely home without further incident (like any more was needed).

I’ve decided that my obituary will almost inevitably read, “Traveled the World. Braved Many Dangers. Had Many Adventures. Killed by Bicycle.”

Do Svidaniya, my friends! And Happy Independence DAY!!!

Russia Post 4: Birthdays and Mountainsides

Soooo.....
The weekend was spent driving out to the nearby republic of Adygea, to climb one of the tallest mountains around... Mt. Fisht. The ridiculously short Wiki article can be seen  here. But anyway, we drove for about 3 hours with 13 other people, including Caleb and I.

So we get there, suit up with our backpacks and set off on what would turn out to be the MOST GRUELING TRIP OF MY LIFE (bar none). Don't get me wrong; it was beautiful, breathtaking even. These are some of the most impressive mountains I've ever seen. At the beginning, we were stopping every 5 minutes to take photos.... But then.... the ground began sloping up, and Up, and UP. The only hope we had was derived from one of the members of our party saying, "This whole trail is only 18 km, guys, no problem, no problem [in order for this to have its full effect, you have to say it in your best Russian accent]." Steeper and steeper the trail went, and the further up we went, the more rugged the trail became. No joke, we're walking through knee deep snow, we look to our left and we see.... Straight down to the bottom of the mountain. Yay for Vertigo!!!
Finally, 9 hours later... we arrived at the BaSE camp of Fisht. The scene that played out there was something like the love child of the Mos Eiesley Cantina from A New Hope and the Tibetan bar scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark. Rugged Russian mountain men (and I say that with no exaggeration) mingled with the Russian version of the Park Rangers and later, we would learn the national Junior Olympic Wrestling team was there too. Add hot stew, roaring campfires, and a VERY healthy dose of Russian vodka, and you get the idea. The sun had already gone down by that time, so we prepared our meal and our tents in the dark with a freezing wind coming down the mountain. And slept in our tents, huddling in freezing temperatures and wishing to God we were somewhere else...
The next day, everyone woke up, and nobody was prepared to even attempt to summit. So we decided to break up the hike we had done the previous day into halves, spending the second night along the trail. So we bade farewell to the summit of Fisht (nobody get me wrong, we were not giving up; we had hiked to the last vestige of civilization before the summit.   We camped easily at over 7,000 feet above sea level). So we began the trek back. And only then did I realize: It was my 21st birthday. Actually, I was sharing the birthday with another girl on the trip, who had turned 19. Granted, it wasn't the best birthday I've ever had. But as I looked around at the great group I was with, and at the wonderful creation of God, I began to think: It's not bad, as far as birthdays go. Thanks, God.
After camping about halfway next to a stream, and eating instant oatmeal over propane stoves, we finally made it back to the cars for the 3 hour drive back to Krasnodar. I sit here on the computer, feeling like two Japanese sumo wrestlers took 10 pound sledge hammers and decided to pummel my back for all they were worth, but still happy and contented and with a deep feeling of satisfaction and pride of a hike well done.
And sorting though all the Facebook messages and emails I had gotten on my birthday from all my friends in Russia, the United States, and around the world. Thanks, my friends. I love and give thanks for each and every one of you.
Do Svidanya, my friends.

P.S: Oh, and by the way, that "18 km" distance was as the crow flies. Actual distance, walking by the trail: 36 miles round-trip, which our group did in ONE day on the way there and then split in half on the way back. Just sayin'.

Russia Post 2: Transport

Transportation. It is a necessity in any country. The need to get from point A to point B in the shortest amount of time, preferably without dying.

Here in Krasnodar there are roughly 4 modes of transportation. I thought I'd just put my thoughts on the subject up for any of you who may be visiting Krasnodar in the near future.

1. Bus/Trolleybus: These are your standard trolley buses, running regular routes all over the city. These will cost you about 10 rubles to ride, and are pretty reliable, except the engines are probably older than many of its passengers and to ride it means it's so loud you will probably not be able to hear yourself think, between the conversation of other passengers and the knocking of the engine as you tear down the streets.

2. Marchutka. There really is no equivalent translation into English for these things. On the outward appearance most of them are old VW vans or mini-buses that zoom around town on pretty much the same route as the trollies, but they can go faster... However, there is no limit to how many people can be on at the same time, and if you run out of seats, you just have to cram in tighter, with people standing in between the seats and practically sitting in your lap. When you see your stop going by, you have to yell at the driver (past about the dozen bodies between you and him) for him to stop. 9 times out of 10, he will pretend not to hear you, because he'd rather not stop and waste time getting passengers on and off the bus... (don't ask me to explain that logic). If on the odd chance he does stop in time or at all, passengers have to disembark to make room for you to finally get off. Or, more likely, you have to squeeze your way out at the same time others are trying to get in. Maybe there's a reason we don't have these in America....

3. Trams.The trams are about the equivalent to the subway system in other towns, but in Krasnodar it is all above ground and only has a limited number of stations in the city. Like most public transportation in Krasnodar, it is outdated, overworked, under-maintained, and overused. Not to mention unclean. But people still wait in lines to use it, as it is the cheapest way to travel. But there's a reason for that.

If you are thoroughly afraid now of public transportation here in Krasnodar, and you're willing to spend the extra cash, plus have a constitution of iron, I'd reccomend
4. Getting a Taxi. Based on the way that they drive, I've come to the conclusion that these guys are former tank drivers/ ex-Russian army truck drivers who have failed to notice that they are now driving unarmored vehicles. The roads are littered with people who have openly bribed their way into a driver's license, and the taxis are right in the thick of it, picking people up, and dropping them off wherever they need to go.The upside is these guys apparently have GPS built into their heads and can get you just about anywhere in Krasnodar for 150-200 rubles.

Have I mentioned how much I love walking? :D
No really, where in America can you say that stepping out your door to go to the supermarket is a head-to-head Mexican-stand off with Death? It's great and I enjoy the adventure. Thanks everybody.
Do Svidanya, my friends.